Feel weary, I have chest pain even when I am taking it slow and then a relentless ache the rest of the time. I have been trying to connect with my cardiologist as I don’t know for sure what the surgeons plan to do but even that is hard to do. Everyone is busy, I get that.

I have been thinking about the time I will need for surgery and then to recover. It could be three months following the surgery. I’ve have never had more than three weeks off work since I started twenty five years ago. I can’t imagine what that’s going to be like.

I can’t think straight – all of this seems surreal.

I want to find my pace again with work and my personal interests but when it comes to this time of the day, I am weary…

This is all supposed to be a normal part of having heart disease but I am so used to pushing myself all of the time to achieve and have always worked at pace, that now I just feel lazy all the time. And that causes me anxiety.

I am going to try and keep documenting how this goes as I am only three weeks away from surgery now…even that feels like a strange thing to do.

Don’t know what to think except that nothing will be the same from this next week onwards. I have always been the decision maker, the leader in everything I do and now I can’t even process my next thought…